Neither Napoleon nor Caesar has opted for the two last solutions available to balding men: hair additions (like wigs and extensions), or hair transplants. Both of these are the only way to get back flowing locks. Toupees and extensions both have their drawbacks. Wigs can cost up to $3,500; you need to buy at least two to alternate during cleaning, and they last about two years. Extensions can put extra stress on already delicate follicles, and weaves have to be tightened every six weeks. You’ll actually be encouraging more hair loss at the stress points.

Hair transplants, on the other hand, have increased in quality over the years. They can cost from $1,900 to $7,500, and are usually a simple outpatient procedure that involves replanting follicles from areas at the back of the head which are less affected by those nasty enzymes. And don’t get your hopes up for cloned hair yet. Animal hair has been cloned, but scientists are finding human hair much more stubborn.

Thanks to their relatively practical sides, my friends Napoleon and Caesar have also avoided shelling out thousands of dollars for some of the more dubious options that prey upon the insecurities of men. Claims of magical hair growth have been made for everything from wavelengths to electrical fields.

A barber in Pereira, Columbia is gaining notoriety by using a special tonic, supplemented by bringing a cow into the barbershop to lick the client’s scalp. "I feel more masculine and more attractive to women," claimed one client. He did not say anything about the large numbers of female cows following him around town.

Perhaps baldness is all in the head, so to speak. After all, in tests using Propecia to halt hair loss, five out of six men stopped losing hair; in another group the success rate was 28% — and they were given a sugar pill.

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